does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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