Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
