just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
