Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
