check it out our google latitudes are spooning
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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