He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
