Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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