Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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