Will you blow on my dice?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
