Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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