perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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