It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it hurts more in the daytime
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You need Xanax blowdarts
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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