Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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