Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
