Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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