Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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