i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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