mondays should just be called national damage control day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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