no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
