Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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