please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
