Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it glows. i had to have it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
