I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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