so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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