we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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