somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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