the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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