I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
