Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
