My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
