Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
