i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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