is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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