Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
