I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
