Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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