drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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