I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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