i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
