we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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