Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
