I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
