She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
