she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
