yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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