We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
