she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
