Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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