talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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