please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
