my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
