What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
