I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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