its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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