I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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